


Is That All There Is?

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek The Gentle Seasons Series [38]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bickering, Equality, Friendship, Is That All There Is? (Song), Little Lives, M/M, Personal Worth, Philosophy, Pre-Relationship, Sadness, Song-related, futility, respect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15105758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Struck by the futility of life, McCoy is reminded by Spock about the importance of 'little lives.'





	Is That All There Is?

**Author's Note:**

> A nod of respect to "Is That All There Is?" by Miss Peggy Lee.

It had finally hit him and it had finally hit him hard. This was all there was, and this was all there ever would be. And with that knowledge, McCoy had turned and hurried away from an argument with Spock in mid-sentence.

Now he stood at the viewing port watching the immense universe whirling around them. Nothing lay beyond this but more universe. Then what? Whatever it was, it made a man feel lonesome while he waited for it to make an appearance.

“Doctor?”

“Go away, Spock.”

“Are you unwell? You left so abruptly.”

“I just want some time alone, if that’s not too much to ask.”

“I think that may not be wise.”

“You may not have the corner on wisdom for everyone, had you ever thought about that?”

Spock actually looked hurt, but he wiped it away. “I never said that I did. I merely noted that solitude might not be the most recommended course of action for you at the present time.”

McCoy almost laughed a mirthless laugh. “You couldn’t come right out and say anything plain, if you had to, could you?”

“I do not understand. I believed that I was speaking as plainly as I was capable of speaking.”

There was that desire for another mirthless laugh. “Yeah, you probably do believe that. I bet you have no idea how staid and quaint your speech patterns are, either.”

Spock blinked as if he had been rebuked. “You have never criticized my speech patterns before. Why now?”

“Because I’m just in a bitchy mood. Do you ever get in a cantankerous mood, Mr. Spock?”

“That is when I meditate.”

“So you’re saying that you get in a cantankerous mood on a daily basis?”

“I did not say that, Doctor. I meditate for other reasons. Mostly so I can reach a level of sublime consciousness and tranquility.”

“So you can get over your cantankerous mood.”

“If you choose to see it that way.”

“Forget my angle of perception. I want to know how you view your cantankerous moods.”

“I have already stated that I do not have cantankerous moods, Doctor.” He was sounding a little short right at the moment, though.

“No, you said that was when you meditated.”

“And so I did. I stand corrected.” He glanced at McCoy. “Does that make you feel triumphant that you caught me in a misstatement?”

“No, strangely it doesn’t.” McCoy smiled the smile that had no mirth behind it, but this time he looked a little sad. That win did not feel victorious at all.

But of course Spock saw it and recognized it for what it really was. “Why are you upset, Doctor?”

“Isn’t this where you came in? Aren’t you repeating yourself?”

“I asked if you were unwell. Your abrupt exit from the mess hall puzzled me, and I thought to inquire about why you had done so.”

“I suppose that I just had had my fill. Okay? Is that enough of an explanation for you? Maybe I got tired of our constant arguing when it wasn’t getting us anywhere. Because it never does.”

“I thought that maybe you left because you had no arguments left and could not bring yourself to concede.”

“When have I ever done that?”

“Tonight. Just now.”

There was that mirthless laugh again. “Oh, Spock, you are a gem, did you know that?”

“No, I did not know that.”

“And you never will, will you?” Then he looked at Spock harder. “You never will be conceited or uppity or swell-headed, will you, because it isn’t in your makeup to be any of those things.”

“I did not quite understand your question, but I believe that I am happy that you have decided that I am incapable of being any of those things.” He thought for a moment. “I am willing to make a concession about our discussions, if it will help.”

“And what is that?”

“I will let you win if that will help.”

McCoy’s chuckle was genuine. “No, I win for real, or it doesn’t count.”

“I feared that would be what you would say.”

“Would you ever want to win so badly that you’d cheat?”

“No.”

“Well, neither do I.” He thought a moment. “Besides, I like our discussions.”

“So do I.”

“But we don’t really solve anything. At least not to the satisfaction of anyone else.”

“Perhaps it is not our duty to solve anything for others. Just for ourselves. Or, perhaps--” he began thoughtfully.

“Yes?”

“Perhaps it is alright not to solve anything for others, because they need to have these same discussions.”

“Well, maybe not everything. We can take some things for granted such as don’t stick your hand in an open flame or you’ll get burned. Or don’t drink household bleach, or you’ll mess the hell outa your guts.”

“I meant philosophical questions.”

“I figured you would.”

“Can you imagine how dull it would be not to have those questions? Not to wonder about things beyond our scope of practical observation?”

“Don’t look now, but there are actually people out there who don’t give a hoot in hell about philosophical questions.”

“How limiting their lives must be.”

“Spock, they don’t know any differently.”

“How sad for them.”

“It isn’t important to them. And they really don’t care.”

Spock was thoughtful for a long moment. “Doctor, I care.” He glanced at McCoy. “And I care that I have found someone who can discuss philosophical questions on my level.”

McCoy gave Spock a stunned look. “You consider me to be on your level mentally?”

“I believe that is what I just stated. Of course, there is Jim with his constant need for ethical matters to be defined and Mr. Sulu with his dignified and courtly demeanor based on ancient knowledge and--”

“Well, there you went and ruined that perfectly wonderful compliment you gave me.”

“Doctor, whom did I just seek out?”

“Well, okay.” He thought. "You let me win that one about your meditating, didn't you?"

Spock gave him a cryptic look. "Shall we just say that it was bread cast upon the waters?"

"Or peanuts for the baboon?"

"Now, Dr. McCoy, I most certainly did not do that. When does a baboon ever eat peanuts?"

"When they are tossed to him by a well-meaning friend?"

"Maybe the well-meaning friend needs to be reassured, also."

"Well, be reassured of one thing. As long as there is breath in my body or I can string conscious thoughts together in some sort of logical manner, you will be getting verbal objections outa me. Somebody has to give you some reality checks occasionally, or you'd be wandering all over the place."

"That is reassuring, Doctor," Spock said with a satisfied smile.

"You set me up about all of this, too, didn't you, so I'd feel better about myself?"

"Let us say that I have wondered about the futility of our little lives myself. It is difficult to see our own self-worth in the pattern of life when we feel so insignificant in the face of the magnitude and sweep of living or of space. We might begin to wonder if we have any influence whatsoever to life in general. Then we look at the stars," Spock said as he nodded at the clusters of light splotched before them. "And we realize that if individuals did not matter, then the heavens would be a dark and dismal place. As an individual, each little speck of light before us signifies very little. But put them together as these have been, and we have a display that awes us by its light and inspires us by its magnitude. It is the same for men. Singly, we are not too much. Just pale flashes of light in the dark void. But put us all together, and we can light up the sky. For together, we all mean something." He looked at McCoy. "I believe that is why you fled to this viewing port. You subconsciously knew that you needed to be reminded of that."

"Yeah, that's why," McCoy muttered, still the skeptic.

"It is as we choose to think that it is, Doctor," Spock reminded him.

McCoy slowly shook his head, overwhelmed by the beauty of Spock's thoughts. "Thanks, Mr. Spock, for reminding me of that. You are a good friend, indeed."

"You are worth saying it to."

Sudden tears bit into McCoy's eyelids. "Why, thank you, Mr. Spock! That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me."

"It is? Then I need to say more nice things to you."

"Don't go straining yourself any. I wouldn't want you to go jeopardizing your rule of no lying."

"I believe that it might be more of a believability issue."

McCoy smiled softly. "It might be at that." Then he glanced out the window. “The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they?”

Spock gave the stars a mellow look. “Decidedly.”

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.
> 
> I own nothing of the estate of the late Miss Peggy Lee, nor do I own anything of the song "Is That All There Is?"


End file.
